Why So Many Men Are Trapped in Their Heads And How to Come Back Down

Take a look around: men are holding it together just barely. On the surface, things look “fine.” Jobs. Families. Plans. Productivity. But under the skin, there’s tension. Pressure. Loneliness.

Over the years of guiding ceremonies and hosting workshops, I’ve noticed a pattern:It’s often women who come first.

They’re the ones showing up to sit with discomfort. To meet their emotions. To do the deep work of healing.And while this is beautiful a powerful rising of the feminine I often wonder, where are the men?

Why are so many of us still holding back?Why is it so hard for us to say yes to our own transformation?

What I’ve come to realise is that for many men, the gap between the life we’re living and the life we long for feels too wide.We get stuck in our heads because we’ve never been shown how to come back to our bodies.

We’ve learned to perform. To push through to stay up in the mind analysing, fixing, achieving because it feels safer than facing the unknown of what lives in the body.We’ve been taught to distrust our softness, to suppress our emotions, and to confuse silence with strength.

It’s no wonder so many men struggle with depression, addiction, burnout, broken relationships, rage, numbness, or a sense of quiet emptiness.

We’ve become strangers to our own hearts.

The Disconnection Runs Deep

Ask a man how he’s feeling, and chances are, you’ll hear:“I’m good.”“Fine.”“Just tired.”

Rarely do we say what’s really true:“I feel lost.”“I’m holding a lot.”“I don’t know who I am without all this pressure.”

Part of this isn’t our fault. We’ve inherited a system that never taught us how to feel. From a young age, boys are praised for strength, not sensitivity. We’re told to be “men” before we’re even allowed to understand what manhood means.

We grow up navigating a world where vulnerability is punished, grief is private, and emotional expression is shamed.

So we retreat into logic. We stay in our heads.We armour up.

And over time, that armour becomes a prison.

What Happens When We Stay Disconnected?

The longer we ignore the body, the louder it cries out:In the form of tension, fatigue, chronic stress, mental loops, anxiety, overthinking, a deep sense of isolation, even when surrounded by others.

This disconnect isn’t just personal it’s cultural. It shapes how we relate, how we parent, how we lead, how we love.

Unfelt grief can calcify into anger.Unspoken fear can masquerade as control.And a man who has never been taught how to soften will often break when life finally humbles him.

But here’s the truth: it’s not too late to return to yourself.

The Return to the Body

More and more men are waking up.Not just intellectually, but emotionally, somatically, spiritually.

Through breathwork, men’s work, therapy, and sacred practices like psilocybin ceremonies, we are slowly learning how to land back in our bodies, our truth, our grounded strength.

In my own journey and the work I now offer, I’ve seen this countless times:When a man feels safe enough to release the performance, the defences, the old story of what it means to be “a real man” something beautiful happens.

He doesn’t become weak.He becomes whole.Present. Clear. Honest. Embodied.

This is what I offer through my men’s blend, Primal Qi  a grounding herbal formula rooted in adaptogenic support for vitality, nervous system balance, sexual health, and the masculine heart. And it’s also what I offer through the deeper work of ceremony.

Because the body doesn’t lie. And the soul doesn’t forget.

The Role of Ceremony in Men’s Healing

In my psilocybin ceremonies in the Netherlands — more info here — I see men return to themselves in a matter of hours what years of suppression had buried.

Mushroom medicine, when held with deep care and intentional space, can help bypass the mind’s defence systems and bring a man into direct contact with his grief, his longing, his power, his truth.

It’s not always comfortable.But it’s honest. And it’s real.

And for many, it’s the first time they’ve truly felt alive.

A Different Way Forward

This isn’t about rejecting logic or the mind. The mind is a powerful tool.But it was never meant to lead the way alone.

We are emotional, physical, spiritual beings — and the world is calling men back to their full spectrum.

To be a man who feels.A man who listens.A man who leads with grounded presence and an open heart.

This is the new mythology. And it’s being written every day — by men willing to do the work, not just for themselves, but for the next generations.

Feeling the Call?

If something in you is stirring, if you’re tired of keeping it all together, if you’re curious about what it would mean to live from your center again start small.

Drink the herbs. Join a circle.Walk barefoot in the wild.Say one honest thing to another man.Sit in silence. Listen.

And when you’re ready to go deeper, the medicine will meet you.I offer men’s-focused psilocybin ceremonies in the Netherlands, as well as herbal formulas like Primal Qi to support your vitality and inner work.

Primal Qi - Mens Herbal Blend

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You don’t have to do it alone.But you do have to begin.